Well, let's just say that those awkward photo posts that get passed around pale in comparison. You know the ones that show a bunch of Walmart shoppers in see-through pants? Or the maternity ones that have a pregnant wife naked and covering her breasts while her hubby holds a gun? I could go on but the point is moot because I already warned you.
Pales.
So we're in the restroom at hell's gate -- oh, I'm sorry. What I meant to say was Chuck E. Cheese's.
That was an honest mistake, really.
It could happen to anyone that ran around chasing after who they thought was their kid for the last half an hour, only to find out that your child is the one wading around in the only water game in the entire building.
Or maybe it's because your other child was hiding inside the basketball game under the net, screaming bloody murder because a deranged looking rat is trying to get him to follow him around (and haven't we all taught our kids not to follow and accept things from strangers? Well, "strangers" is kind of a lose term that excludes Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and anyone's house that lay in your path on Halloween night...) It could be because you just attended a "rock 'n roll" concert involving -- oh, who cares. That crap is NOT rock 'n roll. Although it could cause severe ear damage. It made me want to do what Gavin does when he asks to play phone games.
"Mom, can I play phone games?" Immediately covers ears.
"No," I answered.
"Oh, I thought you were going to yell at me for asking again."
Now, that's smart. One day, I heard that question just 37 too many times and I freaked out. He learned his lesson and covers his ears, avoiding what could be a disaster.
Why can't this logic be applied to this "awesome" place we're regular patrons of? Weren't you the one hiding under that basketball net? Use your brain, son. Times like these can be avoided!
Anyway, back to the point. We're in the restroom at "the place that will not be mentioned" and a woman comes in talking on her cell phone. This actually really bothers me, but RJ is a toddler. Toddlers are little ego-maniacs, and he just LOVED that this woman kept talking to him.
She says, "Hi."
RJ replies with a silent wave.
This is as effective as when he talks on the phone and tries to show people his stuff... or feed them his sandwich.
I guess the signal was bad in the area that I would run to in case of a tornado, so then the woman says, "Can you hear me now?"
And my child yells, "YEAH!!!"
Luckily, he got sidetracked at this point when he heard his echo.
I'm fairly certain you know what happened next.
After the sound checks were properly administered, we returned to that fun place we were at. I was half hoping that we would step out and be greeted by adorable little people and a nasty shoe-stealing which. Unfortunately, we were greeted by only the little people. About 800 of them being my rough estimate. Isn't there a fire code they should be following???
These kind of special bathroom moments aren't just reserved for the places where "a kid can be a kid."
They happen at federal buildings:
"Mom, do you pee out your BUTT???"
And they happen at home:
Hubby: "What happened to your shorts?"
Me, aggressively: "You want to know what happened to my shorts?"
Hubby: "Probably not, now that you said it that way."
Me: "Well, while I was administering a shower to one of our children, one of our other children came up while I was kind of standing and lifted up the toilet seat to pee. Then I sat back down where I was sitting, only this time my butt went into the toilet and your child was then peeing on me. And that's what happened to my shorts."
It's okay, though. I like to look on the bright side of things. That could have easily happened at Chuck E. Cheese's with all of the tiny crazed and deranged humans running around there.
As a friend of a friend so eloquently put it:
I'm pretty sure they freebased sugar.
I thought this illustration was spot-on, and I would have loved meeting her at the birthday party we both attended.
I was really busy, though.
Chasing after someone else's kid.
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