The Mom Shower

The Mom Shower...

Don't confuse it with a baby shower.

A long, long time ago *five years is long, right?* I was pregnant with Leonardo and Gavin.  Simultaneously.  Ginormously.  And I loved baths.  I took them all the time:  during the day, at night, and anytime in between that struck my fancy.  

Once, Rodrigo came home from work to find that I had wheeled our entire television stand into the bathroom and was watching a movie *Blades of Glory* while eating microwave popcorn with my huge stomach sticking up over the waterline.  This was so funny to me... 

until I became familiar with The Mom Shower.  

At first I would just bring my darling little twins into the bathroom and they would sit in their bouncy chairs, and we would all pretend that I wasn't tired enough to fall asleep standing up in a shower.  Let me just interject here that these were the moments that I actually remembered that I am supposed to bathe.

Let's fast forward a couple of years, shall we?  

Now I have toddlers and, most of the time, I have a brief moment to jump in and jump out, pretty similar to Navy Boot Camp or an awkward middle school forced communal washing area.  Although in these instances I am alone.  

If only I had known what my future held, and that these moments would be cherished.  

Oh the days of popcorn baths are gone...  unless you count the many times I have removed popcorn-like food items from on, around, or inside my children's bodies *the most recent being an apple seed from Leonardo's left nostril...*

THIS was my shower just yesterday:

ME:  I'm gonna jump in the shower, Hun.

LEONARDO:  *frantic*  I have to pee!  

*ANY and EVERY time I say the word bathroom or anything relating to the bathroom out loud, make any kind of motion, or a small gesture like I am headed towards the bathroom for any kind of business, whether it be to use the toilet, brush my teeth, or even put on lotion, this is Leonardo's automatic response*

ME:  Go.

*get into shower and bathe for almost one whole minute*

LEONARDO:  *opens door, frantic* I have to pee!

ME:  You just went!

LEONARDO:  I have to go again!

ME:  Go, and then get out, please!

GAVIN:  *casual, like we've just randomly bumped into each other somewhere*  Oh, hey, Mom.

ME:  Hey, Gav.  Will you please get out?  So mommy can take a shower?

*baby waddles in and starts playing peek-a-boo with my shower curtain*

ME:  Peek-a-boo!  Peek-a-boo!

RODRIGO:  RJ?  RJ, come back out here and let mommy take a shower!

*door closes*

*door immediately opens*

GAVIN:  Mom!  Dad won't let me --

RODRIGO:  Leave your mom alone.

ME:  Whatever Dad says I agree with him.

GAVIN:  But --

RODRIGO:  *closes door and that is when the knocking begins.*

RJ:  Mom.  Maaaaamaaaaaaa!  

*pounding on door is getting louder, while RJ shows off his extensive use of the word mom and anything that remotely resembles it*

*I take one deep breath and I am clean, refreshed, and ready to join my family...  

this time outside of the bathroom*

I open the door and am met with a baby death grip that I'm sure he has already learned from television shows that aren't appropriate for his age group.  Or maybe from his brothers.

So... 

if you ever come across a bouncy chair big enough to hold my three sons, just go ahead and get it for me.  Baby shower?  Nope.  This is for a different kinda shower, indeed.